Marriage – A Passionate Tango or are you Dancing on Ice ?

Posted - January 31st, 2011

A Passionate Tango.. or are you Dancing on Ice ?Love is a beautiful thing. Love can come and love can go.

Love in a long-term relationship can take many different twists and turns and therefore it’s very important to maintain your own core strength i.e. loving and respecting yourself if you want to waltz through the many challenges that can test your relationship over time.

The most important thing is to keep on dancing as a couple. If you lose your footing and trip up then it’s a matter of dusting yourself off with a little TLC adding in a few steps of forgiveness and carrying on.

The ‘dance’ is equivalent to ‘communication’ and unless there is communication the dance cannot continue. Remember every perfect dance has taken many hours of practice and even when you think that you have the rhythm going great every day is a new dance. Every day is a new beginning.

We all remember that beautiful sensuous Tango in the film ‘Scent of a Woman’ where Al Pacino plays a blind retired Lieutenant (the only time he received an Oscar) and dances with the beautiful Gabrielle Anwar. This is a very sensuous, sexy and romantic dance. Although blind in the film, Pacino asks this woman out to dance on an empty dance floor in a restaurant of a hotel and she allows him to lead her in this spellbinding dance of love and passion.

How does this work? It works because he treats her with respect and gentleness and is not afraid to lead the way through the darkness.

It works because she allows herself to trust him and lead her in this dance of love . She responds to him with delight and encouragement and although they don’t know where the dance will end they stay together dipping and twirling and holding each other for support.

It is a dance that makes the woman feel loved, wanted and cherished and it is a dance that allows the man to feel strong, even in the face of adversity (his blindness), as the woman follows his lead.

He is the master, he is he composer, she takes delight in the dance they share. At the beginning as they walk onto the dance floor in the film Gabrielle tenderly holds his hand to guide him because he does not know the way and when they are in the right place then she gives Pacino a signal that they are ready and he takes hold of her gently in his arms and with confidence begins the dance of love.

So, what can we learn from this tango?
This tango that spellbinds us by the beauty and romance it expresses without the use of any words only body language.

We learn so much about how a man and a woman can communicate and support each other even through dark times. Turning on the music can be equivalent to doing something together that you both enjoy and is fun! Then the dance (communication/fun) begins!

Help each other feel good
Sharing something regularly that is fun together can help you both feel good about yourself and about each other as you give to each other. Also a woman can feed her partner’s need to be the ‘supporter and strength and protector’ in the relationship by allowing him to take the lead in the relationship when he is ready and by encouraging him and responding with appreciation and love.

The man treats the woman with gentleness and kindness, tuning into her needs both physically and emotionally and thus she feels wanted and loved.

Schedule some fun time together
The dance could be for example having a date night every week where you dress up and go out and talk to each other away from your everyday routine. Or maybe a candlelit dinner with some beautiful music. Maybe you could go dancing or hill walking or bake some cakes together or play a board game. There are many many choices, the important thing is to schedule in some ‘fun’ time together very regularly to ‘enjoy’ each other.

As men and women we have different needs. Yes everyone wants to be loved but a man wants most to be needed and appreciated and respected by his partner. A woman wants most to be cherished and loved and listened to/understood to by her man.

Love is the greatest healer
If you think your relationship has cracks in it and is going through difficult times, know that this is normal in every relationship at some time. The thing is not to give up too easily because love is the greatest healer there is. No matter how angry you may feel if you can let go and forgive the other person or just hold your partner in your arms and just be ‘present’ the anger often just melts away as you remember why you love them. It’s tuning into their heart and turning out of the argument.

There is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ partner, but you can create many many perfect moments of love together if you are willing to dance the dance of love.

Creating Better Relationships is a ten week evening course taking place in Wilton in Cork on Tuesday 22nd February from 7pm to 9.30. Two day workshop booking for Dublin shortly, dates to be confirmed this week. Private Life and Relationship Coaching also available in Cork and Dublin.

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